Think about this scripture and look at the picture above. Kind of scary, isn't it? Ya, see...these scales used to be my inner demon. I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer back in 2012 and had my thyroid removed(2 years cancer free yee yee!!!). After the surgery..this fear swallowed me. I was scared of gaining weight. I became so miserable and unhappy with myself. I was so unhappy, that I wouldn't eat.
The months went by and all I thought of was how many calories and fat my body was intaking. I was at the point where I would stress and worry myself sick over it. Everytime I'd look in the mirror, I wanted to lose just a few pounds more, and I'll be happy. No....the more I did that and the more I stepped on those scales, I wanted that number to get smaller and smaller.
My doctor noticed the significant weight loss, of course. He figured "oh, it's just your thyroid medicine, we'll switch it". I agreed with no hesitation...not telling him about my dark secret. I was now at the point where I would only eat a few bites of something, work out for an hour, and drink more than enough water. I drank the water to make sure I wouldn't get hungry the rest of the day.
I started getting sick more often than usual...when I mean sick, I mean couldn't get out of bed and weak beyond belief.
My coworkers(and customers) kept asking me if I was sick or if I didn't feel good. It was easy to simply reply "Oh, I'm just tired". I couldn't tell them either.
Finally...after all that starvation, I was at 99lbs(yes!! I was so excited!). But my hair was falling out..my body was wore out...my body didn't have the vitamins it needed. I had to have b12 shots every week for 4 weeks because it was so low. I was put on iron medicine.
I felt my bones sticking out of my body...thought it was the most glorious feeling in the world...oh...but that darn mirror was still there reminding me...the weight drop didn't help. I was still unhappy. I knew what I had to do but it was so hard to admit up to it. I had a problem. A horrible problem.
I made an appointment with my doctors nurse practitioner. They thought I was there for a normal check up...soon as she closed the door behind her...I cried saying that I needed help. I couldn't do it anymore. I knew if I did, I'd be dead right now. She made an appointment with a counselor...I was progressing tremendously but sadly, I didn't finish these sessions.
It's been about a year since I've seen the counselor but...I'm healthy again. I sometimes feel like I'll slip back into that dark place hence why I never step on the scales anymore. That number doesn't define me. That number shouldn't define any of you either, guys or girls.
God made us the way that we're supposed to be. He made us with flaws and so many imperfections. He loves that about us. He loves that we're not perfect. He's our father and we are his children. So, love yourself because you're loved just the way you are. Never let someone down you or make you feel like you're not good enough because you're so much more than that. You're so much more than a set of scales or that huge mirror in your bathroom.
0 comments:
Post a Comment